9 women

An induction to alignment and misalignment

Most people think dating is about finding “the one.” But even when you’ve found someone who looks perfect on paper — even when your personality and temperament seem to complement each other, you sync up on lifestyle, on values — you can still end up crushed. Why? Misalignment.

Here are the stories of nine women I met who seemed like a good fit – for first dates, long-term relationships lasting months or years, and even a marriage. But none of them were forever – for me – and for why. More

Tammy: See what happens when your match is truly magnetic

“Now I know what it feels like to be adored,” Tammy said.

I was attracted to Tammy because our physical relationship was unlike any I had ever experienced: I was drawn to her like a magnet.

I craved the touch of her hand. I’m not merely being poetic. The touch of her hand was profound. We spent hours every day just holding hands. Just holding hands.

And she reached for my hand as often as I reached for hers. More

Corinne: This whirlwind romance was no accident

I first matched with Corinne on a Thursday afternoon.

At 8:23 p.m., I received this message: “I’ve been next door at my neighbor’s house for dinner and talk and wine. Love them. Would really enjoy texting or talking for a bit if convenient for you.”

Then she called. When I picked up the phone, I regaled her with what I had done that day, touching on Bruce Springsteen, NPR and my coffee date that afternoon with a 77‑year‑old woman. She graciously tolerated my blather for another 30 minutes before cutting me off — kindly but decisively: “I want to see your boat. Tomorrow. I’ll bring lunch.” More

Karen: A cautionary tale

Karen was a fine woman.

No, she wasn’t.

She was the finest woman I’ve ever met. For 35 years, she has spent every day in a windowless office doing one thing and one thing only: making children feel better.

So no, she was not a “Karen.” She was mindful and emphathic  – my magnetic match (or so I thought at the time) : finding that rare person who feels like home. And her look. My God. She was dressed impeccably, but understated. Like a Kennedy. I told her, “You look like you just stepped off a Hinckley at Hyannisport.” More

Kourtney: Your turn-ons don’t matter. You magnetic match’s do.

Her name was Kourtney. Her game was Scrabble. She beat me nine games out of ten. That’s exactly why I fell for her.

Because, as someone who is deep-thinking and decisive, learning is what turns me on. And I learned by losing to her.

For instance, Kourtney had memorized all 107 Scrabble-legal two-letter words. That made her a winner — in more ways than one. And oh how I made her laugh! She told me I was the funniest man she ever met. We binge-watched Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm for hours. More

Hillary: She never gave up. But I gave up trying to make her laugh

Hillary in a nutshell: No wasted words, no sugarcoating. An ESTJ through and through — decisive, structured, and completely unimpressed by fluff. For her, humor had to earn its keep. If the joke didn’t land, it wasn’t “almost funny” — it was a distraction from the task at hand. With Hillary, there was never ambiguity. You always knew where you stood, because she would tell you. Some people found her blunt. I found her refreshing. She wasn’t going to coddle me, and she wasn’t going to fake-laugh just to keep the peace. More

Wanda: When laughs alone can’t make a Magnetic Match last

I used to own and fly airplanes, including a highly modified version of the Aerostar Tom Cruise flew in American Made. Watch the trailer below — in one scene, the actress playing his wife climbs on top of him and they make out while he’s at the controls. Not that Wanda ever did that. But Tom Cruise proved she could have. More

Vanessa: Ghosted by my MagneticMatch: the INFJ door slam

She was 5’10”. I’m only 5’5”.

“You’ll only come up to my boobs!” she said.

She didn’t seem to care. Neither did I. Because Vanessa was mindful and empathic – my magnetic match – or so I thought at the time. We had never met in person, but we agreed to cross the Pacific Ocean together on a 40-foot sailboat. I know that sounds crazy, but that’s what real sailors do. More

Betty: Why your type is not your type

“You’re never getting me off this boat!”

Those were the first words Betty spoke as she stepped over the lifelines into my cockpit. And into my life for the very first time. No “hello.” No “nice to meet you.”

But no surprise: she was both deep-thinking and decisive —  known for no-nonsense directness. She arrived at two o’clock for what was supposed to be a simple afternoon sail. We returned to the marina at eight at night, the day already too good to end. The sun dropped, the air cooled, and instead of saying goodbye, we slipped below into the cabin, settling across from one another at opposite ends of the settee. And then we talked. Until dawn. More

Fiona: When someone shows you who they are, believe them

Fiona’s profile was just two sentences, but her actions spoke volumes. When I first met her, I was excited. She was idealistic and sensitive  —  close enough to my Magnetic Match, mindful and empathic, but without all the drama that comes with the more judgmental types. At least, that’s what I thought. But with her type comes unpredictability. And I got a crash course in that right away. More